Getting Back Together With Your Ex

Whenever I break off a relationship I go into a “they don’t exist anymore” mode for a while. This gives me the time I need to cry, eat chocolate and gain weight, lose that weight, cry some more and curse them to hell and back. Then and only then can I make peace with the pig, err, I mean, that wonderful person who I don’t want anymore.

I know it’s not perfect, but it works for me. Ignoring him means I give myself plenty of time to work through any of the “I want him back” feelings that I may be harboring. Since I don’t usually give up without a fight, I broke off the relationship for a really good reason.

This doesn’t work for everyone. During the ignoring and grieving time, some people come to the realization that what they really want is their partner back! This can be a tricky proposition, and you have to realize that sometimes it’s going to be impossible.

You need to figure out why you want him or her back

Those “I want him/her back” feelings? They can be so difficult to deal with. Besides doing number on your heart, they’ll also do a number on your head. You’ll come up with a ton of excuses about the problems you were experiencing that led to your breakup. You need to figure out your reason(s) for wanting him back, and you need to be brutally honest when doing so. Loneliness and sadness are not good enough reasons to try reconciliation. A genuine change of heart is.

Take some cooling off time

Even if you’re sure that your former flame will welcome you back with open arms, the fact is, you did break up. And it was probably emotionally stressful for both of you. You can’t go through something like that without at least some semblance of a heart hangover. If you know you want to patch things up, that’s great…still take a few days or weeks as breathing room to lick your wounds, heal your hearts and give you both the strength to start with a clean slate.

Get calmed down

If you need another reason for a cooling off period, consider this. When you have the reconciliation talk with your ex, which front would you rather present? The cool, calm and rational one, or the crying, screaming, weepy mess one? Right, I thought so.

When you see each other again you want to be at your best. Actually, if you want to get back together, you want to be at your super best! The sad, unhappy person you were the last time you saw each other is not who you want to be. That persona will only bring back all that break up drama.

Be prepared

Be prepared for any kind of reaction. If the answer is yes, they want to give it another try, really be prepared to follow through. If you go to them promising to, say, quit smoking if he or she will take you back, you have to back that up. Don’t hear them say “yes” and then immediately start questioning if you made the right decision yourself. You need to be sure of this before you even bring it up.

Brace yourself for the possibility that they might not be interested in round two. Depending on the circumstances, this might be the more likely possibility. Keep your composure; you’ve already made it a couple of weeks without them. You’re not breaking up again; this is just a confirmation, so don’t let it break you down again.

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Originally posted 2009-10-25 04:42:06. Republished by Blog Post Promoter